Happiness.

The strange perpetual duality of happiness has gotten me thinking today I know I don't understand the world but I thought I understood myself I thought I knew who I was and who I am but answers are given and questions don't get asked what am I missing? what is this emptiness inside? and why does it feel so good why does feeling good feel so bad? why must it bring such uncertainty I'm ridiculously infatuated with you so much my mind is playing tricks on me at least I hope so, Fuck I fucking hope its my mind playing tricks on me and not me fucking playing tricks on my mind because I hope this isn't just a change of my mindset because I've given myself the time to give you the time and I made myself believe I made myself believe I was fine I made myself believe I was OK with whatever the future brought my way but I'm starting to doubt the future I'm starting to plan the future and it's getting harder to plan and YOU over there what the fuck is your problem! what the fuck makes you think you have the right to do this to me! making my future easier to plan yet my present harder to live and you have the nerve to come in and doubt myself doubt her luring me into cheap thrills, luring me into love love that you threw away love that you took for granted and now you're trying to take from me I hate that I love you so much It's hard to hate you properly I hate being human and loving what you're doing right now I have so much hate uncertainty depression and questions but yet I'm really happy I hope my mind is playing tricks on me I really do.

Stuck Here.

So the lion fell in love with the lamb. October passed, and i guess so did November, you would've thought I would've learned something... it only makes sense but predator was ok too, not that it makes sense, not that it should, and not that you're reading this, not that I care because fuck you that's why. It can only make sense if you're willing to listen. And you're not, I hope it makes sense to you because I don't get it, then again I'm the one writing it, and I'm running out of glitter. I'm running out of glitter and I can't change the past, more importantly I can't change who I am. Am I happy? why do I want to change myself so much. Because fuck me, that's why. I guess that makes sense.

The Easy Days.

some days are harder than the others, some days are harder... THEN.. the others. some days are fucking easy, maybe too easy it doesn't seem right that i get what i have sometimes it feels like things are just handed to me. but then some days are harder, the memories drill through my mind from one temple to the other crossing the most painful path it could find, erasing every other emotion that brings joy and creating its path of doom and mise-fucking-ry in my head. who brings these conflicts on me? certainly not me, oh God not me, I'm perfect, this is a well known fact, not her, her, her or even her.. although I'm not sure about her... but if even that its not their fault either. I don't get it, is it my fault if i get sick for eating spicy food? or the food company... who do i sue when my mind wont stop fucking spinning around like even the most elaborate state of the art pieces of machinery need an update... as for myself, the most meticulous set of neurons ever created. the perfect mind your majesty and ruler I am still waiting on my v.2.0

i need a good excuse for the alcohol abuse.

12 months 20 pounds hooah level high but going down quick, lost initiative, lost control, don't feel good don't feel bad just sick and tired of being sick and tired. Drank until the bottle was empty but the time still passed and the situation didn't. My body felt sore so I kept on pushing. Set my mind to something so it gets harder but I try, I swear I try. I gave him a free punch to my chest and I got kicked in the balls, then I was too scared to do anything I was too scared that if I said anything maybe I wouldn't even had gotten kicked in the balls I didn't say anything so that maybe soon I wont get kicked but I'll get stabbed in the chest too, like they said I'm supposed to. I, I, I, Me, Me, Me, too many corrections, but I try, I swear I try.

who is Maverick Danger?

Who is Maverick Danger?
there are a lot of possible answers but whats for sure is that he loves hair mettal, motorcycles, fire, bald eagles, flag printed swimwear, and danger is literally his last name.

I HATE BEING SICK

my stupid right nostril is stuffed up, the left one wont stop leaking and my right eye keeps tearing up wtf?!!?!?!

I enjoy making the ocasional rage comic

really kid?! haha

home

finally made it home after getting delayed in dallas for one night went out on thursday with the buddies and had some fun :)

waiting... 3 more hours

waiting for that clock to hit 3:30 so i can goo to the airport... although it doesnt matter how early i get there since my flight leaves at 6:15 and i dont get home until 11:05 i just want out of these barracks!

office space undies

i couldnt fit some stuff while packing today so this is how i decided to get rid of it :p

Going back home.

just an extremely cheesy video i put together to kept me entertained while i was packing with a tasteful nude scene :p hahahaha

"a case of the mondays"

today i felt like updating this blog specially since i hadnt done this since before i left for basic 6 months ago, anyways updates.... bleh wel i left for basic, came back home on dec. went back to south carolina, graduated basic, went to virginia for AIT and i graduate AIT tomorrow, so far i can say that the Army is not bad but TRADOC sucks! i cant wait to go back home and see my friends and family again, go back to college and start working :) yeah, the military does that to you haha, but seriously if you guys are curious about it or have any questions by all means ask me and i'll answer whatever you ask, but there are somethings that i might have to kill you if i tell you :p nah not really, anyways.... im going to start posting more movie reviews since it seems that all ive done since ive been in ait is watch moviess :p peace!

Going away statement

Going away statement.
So, tomorrow i leave home on my way to Fort Jackson in Columbia South Carolina. I'll be there for about 9 weeks doing my Basic Combat Training with the U.S. Army. For the past couple of months I have been preparing for this, physically and mentally but few things can compare to what awaits me in this journey.
Hopefully during these last few weeks we found time to hang out together this last week I had the pleasure of sharing some fun moments with family and friends, and although it was nice, it also really messed with my mind, got me thinking if its really worth it, and the impotence of knowing theres nothing I can do anymore doesn't help but also kind of against my will I was apointed to assist to one last drill weekend with the RSP unit which I thought it would suck being as it was my last weekend here but it also brought me back on track about my decision and being there with people that have gone through what I'm about to go through and people with the same goals as me it really reinforced my spirits, I dont care how cheesy it may sound. For the time of my stay there I wont be allowed to have a cellphone or computer, nor acces to either one, but this isnt a farewell letter, I will only be gone for about 2 months and I'll be back before you guys notice, this is something I've been wanting to do for over 3 years, I just had it in the back of my head and although nerveracking it's also very exiting to me, you guys know me and I'll do my best and keep that smile on my face, I really want to thank Mr. Peterson, my U.S. Gov. teacher also a green beret and former National Guardsmen, Specialist Preciado he's been really helpful so far and I know he will still be, and Sgt. Medina who also helped me out throughout the way.
Anyways, I'm out, there's stuff I've got to take care of but thanks for taking the time for reading this, I would really apreciate it if you guys would take the time to write me a letter, just saying hi, or giving me an update on Teresa I'll have someone post my adress on facebook soon. I'll miss you guys but I'll stay strong and do my best.
-Felio
Hoooaah!

operation Iraqi freedom

"The United States has paid a huge price to put the future of Iraq in the hands of its people. We have sent our young men and women to make enormous sacrifices in Iraq, and spent vast resources abroad at a time of tight budgets at home. We have persevered because of a belief we share with the Iraqi people—a belief that out of the ashes of war, a new beginning could be born in this cradle of civilization. Through this remarkable chapter in the history of the United States and Iraq, we have met our responsibility. Now, it is time to turn the page"
-Barrack Hussein Obama

So, as most of you i hope have heard on August 31 2010 our commander in chief and president Barrack Obama declared an end to operation Iraqi freedom and operation New Dawn begins (sounds like a sequel to star wars haha) what does this mean? well it means that officially our combat mission is over and the remaining 50,000 troops that will stay ther until next year will be doing peacekeeping and training missions to help the Iraqi military and police forces to be self sufficent, qualified, and dependable when it comes to taking care of their own country, wow, I remember being a 10 year old kid and seeing those images of war on tv i never wouldve thought this was going to take as long as it has, i dont think even bush was planning to spend so much time there either, im sure he thought it would be a walk in the park, well this walk in the park costed 4,417 us soldiers their lives and 103,819 civilian deaths was it for oil? was it for his own convenience or was it to make daddy proud? I dont know I'm sure Michael Moore would be glad to tell you with his right winged propaganda how 911 was a conspiracy that had been in the oven since who knows when. Oh boy was this a War... this thing was craaaaaaazy, i mean just think about all that is related to this WTC, Black Water crimes, Sadam Hussein, over 1,347,970 troops deployed, deployment tours controversies, and the funny thing is that this wasnt even a WAR officially it was only an "extended Military conflict/involvement"
this should scare all of us because it showed us the president can do whatever he wants without consulting the people we elected to represent us optimally in a time of crisis the president asks congress for their aproval to declare war, well little georgie decided he was to cool for that and did whatever he wanted, he decided for us he was going to send our people to a land far away, he decided he was going to use our name to further anger these extremist groups and he was going to use out tax money, and leave us with a nice bill he wont have to pay but i am....'wow...7 years i cant believe how long it was, theres so much things to talk about i wouldnt know where to start but i know where it ends, theres no reason to point fingers at someone, and blame them, what would be the point, after all whatever the reasons where, i think we did do some good out there, but i think it balances out with the harm we did or we caused, truth is that Iraq is a troubled country with or without us, but im glad we're working on getting out of there, God bless out troops and welcome back boys

ASVAB tomorrow.

so tomorrow i take the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery also known as ASVAB, which is making me kind of nervous, not that much the test itself cause i know im smart as fuck, but what the test represents, its starting to feel real, and i really hope this is whats going to be the best for me, oh, by the way, i graduated on tuesday which was cool, but so far life after highschool has not been too good with me, yesterday i went to ensenada and i got to hang out with some old friends lastnight, which was pretty cool, we had fun and then some tacos :) haha boy do i love ensenada tacos :p well anyways, i should go to sleep because i have that test to take tomorrow and i should be as fresh as i can tomorrow, what i do in the next 3 years depends on it..... peeeace!

Tthe kid that got stung by a bee

The kid that got stung by a bee.
Dont take my word for it, i just overheard this on the bus, some guys where talking about it, but aparently some kid was all into bugs, and collecting butterflys and all that stuff right? and one day while chasing butterflys around he came upon a funny looking flower, he had heard about it before, people described it as red, juicy, and i guess sorta funny looking, or maybe not funny, but fun, something that would make you smile and feel good no matter what, but when he finally came upon it he rather thought it looked confusing, green and purple mixed together to make the most strange thing he had seen before, it wasnt ugly, it was prescious, it was amazing, it was the greatest thing he had seen, if it wasnt because he had gotten so mesmerized by it and got too close that he smelled it, "now what the..." he thought, he got dizzy, and felt this urge to throw up, he had never felt like this before all these colors from the beautiful flower slowly started coloring everything around him, to the point where he could not tell what was the flower and what was really around him, the petals started wrapping him around and slowly brought him closer to its core, and there he saw this bee, he had seen bees before... and each one had been weirder than the other, and he always thought, this must be the strangest animal ever, but then again he saw this one which made the other ones look so normal, this one was weird, it had 2 tiny wings, and black and yellow stripes all over her body and six legs, "how odd" he said to himself, "how can you be so strange, yet so beautiful, and just happen to be in this, the strangest flower in the world" he didnt know what to do but he had to do something, the petals where bringing him closer to it so he decided to grab it, he put it in his hand and stared at it, took a good look at it, it wasnt in his palm though.... it was in the back of his hand, just where he had that nasty cut he had gotten while playing with a knife a day before, and the bee just started walking around the back of his hand and slowly got closer to his still raw wound and just walked around it making him feel a discomfort he could not bear, and quickly grabbed it with his other hand which he pulled out of that bag of chips he had in his backpack and bam! it stung him

the first thing he could think of was the stinging pain this had brought him, but he was then amused at how the bee had gone back to his initial hand, this time in the palm, "this bee had pretty much just killed herself" he thought but yet she refused to leave him, it was going to spend her last moments alive with him, by this time the petals had brought him so close to the flower it disapeared, everything around him was just colors and other unexplicable factors that stimulized all of his senses in different ways he had never felt before, and he would think of so many things, he was pissed off at the bee for stinging him, but instantly it went away, being replaced by a feeling of sorrow for the bee, it was dying because of him, whose fault was it? he didnt know, he didnt care, he was determined to spend those last moments with that bee, admiring its beauty and thinking how lucky he was for finding such a unique beautiful bee. some more time went by and everything around him was so surreal from that flower he didnt even now if he was a human anymore that bee was not in his hand anymore he couldnt see his hand but the bee was still there they both stared at each other and they both flew away.
the next day the cops found the boy dead next to a bunch of roses, the kid had died from an infection he had gotten in his hand.

thursday....

so, today i got my tux and prom tickets for me and Laura, and its barely starting to hit me that ill be out of highschool in 2 weeks :( hahaha i couldnt wait to get out of highschool about a month ago... but as it gets closer and closer it gets scarier, i guess im kind of afraid it will all go downhill from here like most people say, i hope its not..... im pretty sure i can do better :) this saturday im also taking my final for my EMT100 class, which is exiting! anyways... i dont think there is anything else that i should say... sooo yeah hahaha just an update :p

wednesday

sooo i guess i have not had time to post a new blog, which sucks :( i really wanted to do this every day but its hard and its been getting harder lately, soo heres just a random update haha
well swim season started like 3 weeks ago, thats why i dont have much time anymore, which sucks because im pretty sure my grades are going in the gutter these next report card, which if it happens im quitting swim fo'sho, anyways, well yesterday i went kayaking, which was awesome :) i fell in love with it and i wanna do it again, hmm... oh yeah, im on spring break already, which is awesome i was falling behind in my paramedic class because i didnt have time to study, so this 2 weeks off are nice :) hmm i think thats it :p