Happiness.

The strange perpetual duality of happiness has gotten me thinking today I know I don't understand the world but I thought I understood myself I thought I knew who I was and who I am but answers are given and questions don't get asked what am I missing? what is this emptiness inside? and why does it feel so good why does feeling good feel so bad? why must it bring such uncertainty I'm ridiculously infatuated with you so much my mind is playing tricks on me at least I hope so, Fuck I fucking hope its my mind playing tricks on me and not me fucking playing tricks on my mind because I hope this isn't just a change of my mindset because I've given myself the time to give you the time and I made myself believe I made myself believe I was fine I made myself believe I was OK with whatever the future brought my way but I'm starting to doubt the future I'm starting to plan the future and it's getting harder to plan and YOU over there what the fuck is your problem! what the fuck makes you think you have the right to do this to me! making my future easier to plan yet my present harder to live and you have the nerve to come in and doubt myself doubt her luring me into cheap thrills, luring me into love love that you threw away love that you took for granted and now you're trying to take from me I hate that I love you so much It's hard to hate you properly I hate being human and loving what you're doing right now I have so much hate uncertainty depression and questions but yet I'm really happy I hope my mind is playing tricks on me I really do.